Monday, October 22, 2007

When I Signed Off On A Delivery of a Ton of Bricks

I miss home.
I miss my sister.
I miss my mom.
I miss Leslie.
I miss James.
I miss Anna.
I miss my bed.
I miss my favorite places to eat. (Yes, I am that kind of person.)

I miss my dad.

I'm not unhappy, but I'm not steady.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

When I Was Hitting the Button Really Hard

We constantly hit the self-destruct button. Unintentionally usually, but most of the time we have some sort of inclination that what we are about to do will hurt us in some way.

This goes for everything. In every aspect of our life, we find something that will send us running towards the hills and we do it. This is how we got to the moon after centuries of fear that God was somewhere in the skies waiting to strike us down if we ventured into his heavens. This is how we have vaccines, how we exercise to the point of near devastation, and how we smoke pot knowing our lungs are paying the price. Its a necessary evil in life, the corrupt good that lies in doing what we're not supposed to.

We learn. After so many times, the mouse in the Skinner Box figures out that when there is music the cheese is hard to get, and we figure out that we are not invincible, but instead adaptive.

So we give another inch. We learn that we can press the button for so long and still be okay. Or we fuck ourselves over by jabbing our finger against the button one too many times.

And start again. New button, new poison. You pick and you choose.
Self-destruction is just one second away.