Man: So, this is the end of the world?
God: Yeah.
Man: It's boring.
God: It would be.
Man: I thought it would be more interesting than this. You know, hail, brimstone, at least some fire or some fucking demons.
God: Why would I subject you to something you could have easily experienced? And watch your language.
-Astoria Alms
You have to wonder sometimes, don't you? Why we were made the way we were, what makes us wholly ourselves. I don't know, I've come to believe we are a collection of everything that came before us, and we carry around our mountains of the past and with that we go through life either building a higher top on the mountain or demolishing it.
It's not existence, though, that troubles me. At least not the kind experienced collectively. Superficially, we have the everyday events that we take part of, the going out for a walk, the eating dinner, the listening to music, but beneath that is what we were hoping to find when we stopped walking, what we felt when we took the first bite, and what that song we were listening to reminded us of. Indeed, there is an Everything in everything that I fail to grasp most of the time, the complete picture that seems to elude me and that only sometimes gives me a clue of what is actually going on.
Suddenly a silence isn't just a silence but rather the hum of two people trying to communicate their feelings, and the sigh isn't a sigh but rather an indication of the tension felt within the lungs. And that's when you realize that life has so many goddamn complications you could never really figure anything out. Its frustrating to realize that as long as you like you may never really figure out anything. At all. You will never really know anything.
Yeah. I'm kinda tired, but its mostly because I've been having so many nightmares lately it's ridiculous. And that's what I meant by not just everyday existence. In my dreams I have... actually more control than in real life, and yet I don't find it any more satisfying. To be able to wake up is a luxury we are not offered from real life is the real reason life becomes a mountain to carry. You're stuck in whatever reality you have created and that's basically the truth of it. And I want to try to be optimistic about things, I really do, but honestly, I don't care enough to be. I'll be realistic about it.
You're either happy or you're sad, or some lovely little variation of it, and whichever you are, you sure as Betsy can guarantee that you will be the other in a few months, days, hours or even the next second.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
When There Was A New Beginning
“A good heart and good intentions must lead to good actions before they con truly be commendable.”
-Astoria Alms
When we are faced with an innumerable amount of regrets concerning our life and the decisions we have made, there are few things we can do, but sigh and accept the things which we cannot change. Though one could easily decide to live in the prison that is the past, or long for the promised gates of the future, the important Moment is passing us by. To live within oneself, constantly reflecting on the things that could have been done or the things that should not have been done, is not only unprofitable, but rather cost-detrimental. They take a toll on the human mind, they wear out the heart, and they weaken the soul. If we live everyday wishing it were yesterday, there is an infinity lying between the nothing of yesterday and the possibility of today.
Though of course one should look upon yesterday with the eye of a passing observer, gathering information but not becoming heavily immersed, one must maintain a distance for all has passed. The Moment is lost if not completely appreciated at the time. Thus one must wake up everyday, every single day, every morning, every sunrise, as if it were the first. It is sheer madness to live as if each day is the last because then everything is absorbed in such a rapid way that there is nothing savored softly. To live each day as if it were your first entails feeling everything with the innocence that comes from experiencing the new. Opening your eyes is such a simple human activity, something that we take for granted everyday, but when one truly opens one’s eyes, the world’s intensity level rises more than can be possibly be comprehended.
Everything has so many possibilities, if we could only just perfectly balance our past and our present, to have the courage to reach out and touch the future.
-Astoria Alms
When we are faced with an innumerable amount of regrets concerning our life and the decisions we have made, there are few things we can do, but sigh and accept the things which we cannot change. Though one could easily decide to live in the prison that is the past, or long for the promised gates of the future, the important Moment is passing us by. To live within oneself, constantly reflecting on the things that could have been done or the things that should not have been done, is not only unprofitable, but rather cost-detrimental. They take a toll on the human mind, they wear out the heart, and they weaken the soul. If we live everyday wishing it were yesterday, there is an infinity lying between the nothing of yesterday and the possibility of today.
Though of course one should look upon yesterday with the eye of a passing observer, gathering information but not becoming heavily immersed, one must maintain a distance for all has passed. The Moment is lost if not completely appreciated at the time. Thus one must wake up everyday, every single day, every morning, every sunrise, as if it were the first. It is sheer madness to live as if each day is the last because then everything is absorbed in such a rapid way that there is nothing savored softly. To live each day as if it were your first entails feeling everything with the innocence that comes from experiencing the new. Opening your eyes is such a simple human activity, something that we take for granted everyday, but when one truly opens one’s eyes, the world’s intensity level rises more than can be possibly be comprehended.
Everything has so many possibilities, if we could only just perfectly balance our past and our present, to have the courage to reach out and touch the future.
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