When I Was Thinking of Them

I have nothing but an endless stream of words that leaves me breathing in so deeply as to grasp the full extent of their meaning. It is beauty and chaos, it is killing me but allowing me to truly live.

To philosophize is to die. That I truly believe, though my pondering has merely left me short of air, and feeling dizzy. How strange is it though, to not be able to control my bodies reaction to certain thoughts. Oh man, in all his foolish behavior believing he is master of the universe, and yet cannot truly control the eruption of a sneeze, the subtlety of a sigh, or the threatening watering of the eyes. I have learned never to claim that I have control over my body because honestly, I feel my body belongs to no one in particular, not even myself.

Perhaps it belongs more to others. I know that my mind is my own, for that is the only entity that I can truly embrace through reason. As for my heart, experience has shown that it is in the wind, in the rain, in the earth, in fire, and yet never truly in my body. It wanders around as lonely as a cloud, and occasionally settles itself on my chest, constricting any kind of movement, except for those which it wishes to pursue.

And thus, at this moment, on its own volition my foot is tapping away, constantly restless, constantly in search for a place to run. My heart is racing, for no one and someone in particular because although they may be a thousand miles away, my heart is there, in that warm and friendly (polluted) sky, waiting for a reunion with my body.

Although at the same time, a part of my heart was left in DC with Eric, and a part was torn away for the few minutes that I was in Philadelphia. That was truly astonishing though, how I felt a part of me racing towards my love, using my eyes to scan the area, searching for the boy who holds an incredibly special piece of my heart and soul.

Sigh. Involuntary or not, those sighs are signs that my heart is restlessly pacing back and forth. For whom? For them.